Parenting Adopted Children
Adapted from an article published by
The National Center for Biblical Parenting
If you have chosen to increase the size of your family through adoption, you are following the model of God himself who adopts us into his family. Although adopted children and biological children have more in common than not, there are some important differences.
The bonding of a mother and a baby starts in the womb and continues after birth through physical touch, feeding, talking, and connecting in some very special ways. Adoption means that the process of bonding has been disturbed. The baby must make an adjustment in order to bond with someone else. Some children make that adjustment easily. For others, trust is broken, making temptations toward dishonesty, anger and mistrust a challenge. This can escalate into a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). The reality is that when bonding is disrupted, the heart is damaged. Adoptive parents need to learn ways to foster healing in the child’s heart. Extra work is often necessary to help adopted children address the challenges they face.
Setting up routines of how your family operates will give the adopted child, as well as biological children, a sense of security. It will make life more predictable and foster trust.
Be honest with your child about the adoption. Adopted children can have a greater curiosity about their birth parents than others. That doesn’t mean that you share everything right away. Some pieces of information are best shared after the child grows a bit and is able to understand the situation better.
Don’t overreact to angry comments from your child. If he/she says something like, “I’m going back to live with my birth mom,” recognize that as a comment coming out of your child’s own pain. Adopted children can wrestle with an identity crisis or fear abandonment. Your stability in these situations is helpful. You can be sad, and feel hurt, but don’t react with anger.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, get help. Early intervention can be critical to the child’s healthy emotional development. The National Center for Biblical Parenting has several books to assist you. For a list of publications, go online at www,biblicalparenting.org/pr-adopted.asp
You have embarked upon an incredible journey of mission and ministry.
Happy Traveling!
Linda Morgan, Parish Nanny