What About Twins?
We’ve learned a bit about “The Oldest/First-born” child, “The Middle” children, and “The Baby”. What about twins?
Twins have been on the rise in the U.S, for a number of years. For parents, twins present special challenges. Not only is the volume of day to day tasks increased, but fostering healthy personalities and relationships can become overwhelming!
Identical twins tend to have extremely close relationships with each other. They often exclude their single siblings and peers. Some even develop their own language. The up side of this is that they are less prone to sibling rivalry, at least within the early childhood years. The down side of this closeness is that, when separated, they may feel unhappy or insecure. It is vitally important that parents spend time with each twin, and resist the urge to treat them as a “set”.
Fraternal twins, on the other hand, can be just as rivalrous as other siblings, sometimes even more so. For fraternal twins, who are often expected to be alike, there is often a need to assert their own individuality. (Consider Esau and Jacob in the Bible.) Like identical twins, fraternal twins should be treated like separate individuals.
Parents who have raised twins successfully have many insights to share. Here are a few:
· Avoid giving them cutesy, rhyming names.
· Do not insist that they dress alike.
· Do not insist that they share everything.
· Encourage them to recognize their individual likes and dislikes.
· Allow them to choose their own friends and activities.
· Never refer to them as “the twins”.
Other children in the family often feel left out because of the parental time twins consume, and the special attention they get from others. Sometimes they regress to infantile behaviors or display jealousy and anger.
In conclusion, parents need to be prepared to cope with the added dynamics of twins, and seek professional counseling if these dynamics appear to be destructive to the family unit.
Linda Morgan, Parish Nanny