In families with more than one child, there is a 95-99.9 percent chance of sibling rivalry.   How to handle this conflict between brothers and sisters has puzzled parents throughout history, clear back to Cain and Abel!  The final answer lies within each family because every situation is different.      Sibling rivalry occurs at different times and in different ways in your children’s lives.  Some of these ways are obvious…like fighting, nagging, pushing, and name-calling.  Some, however, are not so obvious.

       With school just around the corner, I was reminded of one of the “not-so-obvious” types of sibling rivalry.  It is often the reason why one child excels in music, while another excels in sports.  A younger child will simply refuse to compete with an older sibling, because he is afraid of not measuring up.  The child refusing to compete may not even realize why he is making certain choices.  It is a defense mechanism that sometimes automatically kicks in to preserve one’s ego. In situations like this, the parent can help by avoiding comparisons and by assuring each child that every person has special abilities.  Reinforce that effort is valued in your family and that it acceptable for brothers and sisters to participate in the same activities at different competency levels.

       There is much to be learned about sibling rivalry and how to handle it.  Look for more in upcoming issues of the Brethren Beacon.

         

Linda Morgan; Parish Nanny